So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
