I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
