Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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