He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
