So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
