Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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