I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
