sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
