i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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