Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Boobs are out for the taking
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize