No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Houston, we have a squirter
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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