all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
