Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
