you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize