Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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