The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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