you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
