Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
