yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
