Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize