god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
