NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
