At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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