I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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