Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize