The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
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