I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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