Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
