Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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