Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
