I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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