After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I will be naked everywhere
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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