I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
