dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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