I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
