I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
