Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
