Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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