Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
