Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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