i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
