the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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