He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I believe in your delicious
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
