OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
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