I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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