Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
