Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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