I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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