I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I still have a little drunk in my system
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
