A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i think i have two assholes
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
