I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
