I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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