you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
