I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I need a hoe opinion
go on
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
