Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize