I am puke
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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