Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
