So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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