yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
