Kiss
Puke
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize