I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
