The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
