I think im going to throw up on grandma
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
