Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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