I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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