you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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