Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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