everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just google imaged poop.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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