Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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