Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
