Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Randomize
