I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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