I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize