Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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